My Chronic Creativity Killer
Why I seem to only write in spurts
I don’t tell a lot of people this, but I have a chronic ailment. It’s not something that will keep me from getting up and going to work. It’s not something that’s going to get me Social Security or allow me to live on Disability, but it is something that keeps me from getting anything done and has kept me from writing or doing anything creative. I suffer from chronic, mind-numbing headaches.
I know a lot of you are now thinking, “Seriously? Headaches? Come on!!!”, but yes, headaches. For anyone who suffers from migraines, you know what I mean. But here’s the kicker. I deal with them 2 or 3 (sometimes as much as 4) times a week. I still get up and go to work, but I feel like there’s a vice around my head trying to crush my skull.
I’ve suffered from serious headaches since I was a kid. I remember being a little girl, lying on my bed, just crying because it hurt so bad. It was the 70's and you didn’t go to the doctor for anything less than a broken bone or bleeding wound. So, all my remedies were either homemade or came out of a bottle. You know, back in the day when they still put enough alcohol in allergy meds to knock you out. Yep, that was me.
I’m not talking about the headaches you get from stress or a night of too much fun. I’m talking about the kind of headache that makes light and sound instruments of torture. The kind of headache you feel from the top of your head to the base of your neck. You feel it in your cheek bones, in your shoulders, and even in your spinal column. You can’t get comfortable, you can’t move and sleep just makes things worse.
I’ve read just about everything I can find about dealing with headaches. I know taking too many OTC pain killers can be bad for the rest of the body and I’m not a fan of prescription pain killers. I’ve tried herbal remedies, I’ve tried meditation, I’ve even tried massage therapy, but I still get the headaches.
I’ve seen doctors, but all they want to do is prescribe pills I’ll need for the rest of my life. I’m one of those people who have an addictive personality and know it wouldn’t take much for me to get addicted. Thanks, but no. I am a forever recovering cocaine addict, I know what scripts would do to me.
As I enter this “magical” time of my life known as mental-pause, I’m finding that the headaches are getting worse. That scares me a bit, but I’m also hoping it’s a sign that this part of the journey is almost over. Funny part is, when I don’t have a headache, I start to worry. Weird.
I do try to work through it. I can’t let it get me down. I still have the ideas running around my head, it just takes a little longer for them to find their way to the page. Have you ever had to tell one of your characters to use their inside voice? It’s an odd thing to have cross your mind.
For anyone out there who suffers from chronic pain, my heart is with you. Just because you can’t see a person’s ailments, doesn’t mean they’re not real.
